Laughter is indeed the BEST medicine

Subject: Laughter is indeed the BEST medicine Sat 30 May 2009, 7:18 pm

During a visit to the ladies' room, my friend Addy heard the
woman in the next stall suddenly ask, "So how are you?"

Startled, Addy replied tentatively, "Fine."

The woman continued, "So what's new?"

Still confused, Addy said, "Not much. What's new with you?"

It was then that the woman snapped, "Do you mind? I'm
on the phone."

Subject: Re: Laughter is indeed the BEST medicine Sat 30 May 2009, 7:19 pm

I was visiting a friend who could not find her cordless phone.

After several minutes of searching, her young daughter said,
"You know what they should invent? A phone that stays
connected to its base so it never gets lost.

Subject: Re: Laughter is indeed the BEST medicine Sat 30 May 2009, 7:20 pm

Trying to explain to our five-year-old daughter how much
computers had changed, my husband pointed to our brand
-new personal computer and told her that when he was in
college, a computer with the same amount of power would
have been the size of a house.

Wide-eyed, our daughter asked, "How big was the mouse?"

Subject: Re: Laughter is indeed the BEST medicine Sun 31 May 2009, 2:50 am

Wrong mail ID:

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.... Somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral.
The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.
After
reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the
room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which
read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've reached
Date: 16 Mar 2008

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here, and we
are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to see you TOMORROW!

Guest

LOL !! FUnny wan , 16th of mar ahhahaaa !!!

Subject: Re: Laughter is indeed the BEST medicine Sun 31 May 2009, 6:45 am

wow you're still awake. okay goodnight.

Subject: Re: Laughter is indeed the BEST medicine Sun 31 May 2009, 10:40 pm

Learning to use a voice-recognition computer program, I
was excited about the prospect of finally being able to
write more accurately than I type. First I read out loud to
the computer for about an hour to train it to my voice,
then I opened a clean page and dictated a nursery rhyme
to see the magic.

The computer recorded: "Murry fed a little clam, its fleas
was bright and slow."

The big electronic computer in the accounting department
performed admirably until summer weather arrived. Then it
practically quit.

A diagnosis of the trouble revealed that the machine was
extremely sensitive to changes in temperature, so the only
thing to do was to move it into an air-conditioned room.

Now, as we office drones perspire and droop, we are treated
to the vision of the computer operating coolly and efficiently
beyond the glass wall of its private office. What was that
again about men being smarter than machines?

When my printer's type began to grow faint, I called a local
repair shop, where a friendly man informed me that the
printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the
store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told me, I might
be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the
job myself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, I asked, "Does your boss
know that you discourage business?"

"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied
sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we
let people try to fix things themselves first."

Subject: Re: Laughter is indeed the BEST medicine Tue 02 Jun 2009, 3:55 pm

A friend of mine was enjoying his new car's powerful sound
system by driving along with the volume way up. At a traffic
light, he heard someone shout, "Hey, do you mind?"

Stopped next to him was a young man in an open convertible.
He pointed to an object in his hand and said, "Can't you
see I'm on the phone?"

A pastor I know of uses a standard liturgy for funerals. To
personalize each service, he enters a "find and replace"
command into his word processor. The computer then finds
the name of the deceased from the previous funeral and
replaces it with the name of the deceased for the upcoming
one.

Not long ago, the pastor told the computer to find the name
"Mary" and replace it with "Edna." The next morning, the
funeral was going smoothly until the congregation intoned
the Apostles' Creed. "Jesus Christ," they read from the
preprinted program, "born of the Virgin Edna."

I returned from Russia after living there nearly two years.
My sister decided to surprise me by creating "welcome home"
signs in Russian. She went to a website that offered
translations and typed in "Welcome Home, Cole." She then
printed the translated phrase onto about 20 colored cardboard
signs.

When I got off the plane, the first thing I saw was my family,
excitedly waving posters printed with a strange message. My
sister gave me a big hug, and pointed proudly to her creations.
"Isn't that great?" she said. "Bet you didn't think I knew any
Russian."

I admitted that I was indeed surprised-and so was she when I
told her what the signs actually said: "Translation not found."

Subject: Re: Laughter is indeed the BEST medicine Tue 02 Jun 2009, 11:03 pm

I purchased a new desktop-publishing program that surprised
me by containing a make-a-paper-airplane option. I decided
to give it a try. After I selected the plane I wanted, the
software gave me a choice of accessories available for my
plane, including a stick-up tail, adjustable flaps and an
AM/FM radio. Out of curiosity I chose the AM/FM radio.

The program responded with a message box stating: "Come
on, be serious. These are just paper airplanes."

Our newer, high-speed computer was in the shop for repair,
and my son was forced to work on our old model with the
black-and-white printer.

"Mom," he complained to me one day, "this is like we're
living back in the twentieth century."

One cold night my furnace died, so I went to my parents'
house. In the morning, a neighbor called to tell me that
my water pipes had burst and flooded my town house and
hers. I raced home-and on the way got a speeding ticket.
Then the furnace repairman arrived and told me he didn't
think he had the proper fuse but would check in his truck.
Meanwhile, the plumber cut holes in my bathroom wall to
locate the leak.

When the furnace repairman returned, he held aloft a fuse.
"I had the right one," he said triumphantly. "This must be
your lucky day."

Subject: Re: Laughter is indeed the BEST medicine Wed 03 Jun 2009, 11:04 pm

Working as a telemarketer for MCI Communications, I made
a call to a Minnesota home one evening. When a boy around
eight answered the phone, I identified myself, told him I was
calling for MCI and asked to speak to his parents. As he put
the phone down, I heard him yell, "Dad! Dad! The FBI wants
to talk to you!"

As soon as the father answered the phone in a quivering
voice, I said, "Sir, this is not the FBI; this is MCI
Communications."

After a long pause, the man said, "This is the first time I am
actually glad to hear from you guys."

The first Sunday after my husband and I bought a new car,
we parked it in the last row of the church lot, not wanting
to be ostentatious. While talking with friends, my husband,
Byron, accidentally hit the panic button on his electronic
key. Immediately our car's horn blared and its lights flashed.

Watching Byron fumble with the button, his friend teased,
"Wouldn't it have been in better taste to put a few lines in
the church bulletin?"

I was preparing lunch for my granddaughter when the phone
rang. "If you can answer one question," a young man said,
"you'll win ten free dance lessons." Before I could tell him
I was not interested, he continued. "You'll be a lucky winner
if you can tell me what Alexander Graham Bell invented."

"I don't know," I replied dryly, trying to discourage him

"What are you holding in your hand right now?" he asked
excitedly.

"A bologna sandwich."

"Congratulations!" he shrieked. "And for having such a great
sense of humor..."

Subject: Re: Laughter is indeed the BEST medicine Sun 12 Jul 2009, 3:20 pm

Teacher: Ah Kau, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how
much would your father still have?
Ah Kau: $10.
Teacher: You don't know Maths.
Ah Kau: You don't know my father la!

Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum.
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But but but....I will only get my report card tomorrow ???
Mother: I know that, but I'm going Hong Kong tomorrow so I'm scolding you
now.

Father: Why did you fail your Mathematics Test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3 + 5 = 8
Father: So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4 + 4 = 8.
On Wednesday, she said 6 + 2 = 8.
If she can't make up her mind, how I know the right answer one ???

Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear.
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No la, mine is undying love only !!!

Man: How old is your father?
Boy: Same as me la.
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He only became a father when I born lo !!!

Teacher: Simon, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
Simon: No la, teacher. It's the same dog!

Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I tell you she's no good!

Teacher: Where were you born?
Student: Singapore , Sir.
Teacher: Which part?
Student: All of me ma....

A boy came home from school with his exam results.
' What did you get?' asked his father.
' My marks are under water,' said the boy.
' What do you mean 'under water'?'
' They are all below 'C' (sea) level.'